• Kenneth Weene

In the Holiday Spirit

What’s your holiday? You should have one, one that signifies you. Not your favorite. Sure, some people might actually best be represented by Christmas. For example, lots of kids tell

me I look like Santa Claus. I guess they’re right, but personally I identify more with Jerry Garcia or even a pint of Cherry Garcia. Still, looking like Santa doesn’t mean that Christmas is me.

I also imagine that there are people who might honestly choose Thanksgiving. Now, I’ve been called a turkey by many people, but never a football game or a parade. Still, I do feel thankful. In fact, I’m especially thankful that nobody has popped me in the oven at 425F. No, Thanksgiving isn’t me either. By now, it should be clear that I’m not talking about favorite holidays. If I were, I wouldn’t have picked Christmas of Thanksgiving anyway. My favorite is July 14, Bastille Day. What?! Yep, I’m a big fan of guillotines. Not that I want my own head chopped off, but there are a few people.

OOPS! I’m digressing. So back to the day that best represents me. It has to be Mental Health Awareness Day. No, not because I’m a shrink. Not even because I need a shrink—who doesn’t? It’s simply that most days are happily spent contemplating my navel. I think a lot about what it means to be a person, what it means to have my act together, what I want my essence to be at the end. In other words, I’m an existentialist. Maybe, if there were an Existential Awareness Day, I would choose that for my holiday. But there isn’t, so I have to settle for mental health. How to celebrate such a monumental holiday—besides more navel contemplation? An aside here if I may. Reenacting naval battles in your bath is great fun, especially if you use rubber duckies to represent the ships. However, that’s a homonym and don’t fire on your bellybutton. Another aside, navel oranges do not make good dance partners but they can be used for an excellent mimosa.

Back to the proper celebration Mental Health Awareness Day. You can schedule an appointment with the shrink of your choice; but remember if I am that choice, I won’t be available. You can also go online and take some personality tests. Not to worry, they won’t teach you a thing. You can also read a good book about being nuts, for instance my novel Memoirs from the Asylum. I’m not sure there are many about being sane. Actually, who wants to be sane when you can hear voices.

Now, that’s my favorite way to celebrate, hearing voices. Of course, I also talk back. Nobody can ever accuse me of avoiding a good discussion. Who better to chat up than the characters rattling around in my head? Maybe they’ll tell a good story I can use for a new book or possibly they’ll want to join me on Writings, Chats and Friends. We’re always looking for guests. So, draw up your couch, associate to your dreams, and have a little psychosis with me.

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